fill my cup with tea.

i dont know

what has

gotten into

me.

or why

i feel

so alone.

i go, and i notice

places.

i know where

to exactly go.

but

i still feel

so alone.

people leave

they come and go

i understand

this

fact.

but, i

still

feel so

alone.

maybe its how

everything

here

reminds me

of you.

and you're not here.

i wish i could

just go

somewhere

completely new.

again.

and it won't remind

me of anything.

but nothing really matters. I'd be running away from my feelings, and eventually the same would catch up to me.

but, i like running.

i find new things.

& it makes me happy.

my diversity.

dancing at Housing Junction. Photo Credit: Eric Becker

My life is filled with different shades of colors and textures. There is a strip of yellow, flowing out towards each human, representing openness and warmth. Soft and light, because I believe that everyone is equal and there is no separation. Each friend that I have had, has effected me and created a different texture into my life, and I have created friendship from a variety of interesting people from all over the world. From the deep blue designs in my eyes, give out passion, passion to travel, grow, and meet new people. I am open to diverse experiences. These simple experiences of the places I visited, touching sand in Rio to meditating in the thai buddhist temples has opened my heart to accept others just the way they are and to come together as one people. This blue is not smooth, it is bumpy, because, these bumps have shaped me. I was an exchange student for a year in Switzerland. When I wanted to become an exchange student, my first country choice was Argentina, but my Rotary district chose Switzerland instead. I came to Switzerland not knowing a single word of german, understanding and giving a whole new life experience to the saying ‘when one door closes, another one opens’. To me, “Fearless” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is me going to Switzerland. It has bumps, although, it is these bumps that make it incredible, and totally shaping my life, and growing in ways I never thought where possible. Green is the color of my favorite sweater that shrunk in the washing machine. It allows me to realize that everything changes, seasons change, sweaters shrink, but life goes on, and it doesn’t stop for everyone. I am here to live, before it is too late. That is my goal in life, and I cannot fail that.

oooh !

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

--Maya Angelou

wunderschoen!

when I listen to "Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois" by Sufjan Stevens, I feel so so so peaceful.

Its so beautiful. Listen to it. It makes me want to cry.

Today, I had a wonderful day. I jumped off a huge rock into a lake called Lake Cushman. This rock scared me (it was hugeeeee), and I jumped of it and conquered my fear of height. The process was difficult, getting my glued legs to get off the rock and to defy what my instincts told me was dangerous. I hope I make sense. I am kind of slopping with writing.

Gah, the Pacific Northwest never fails me to present beauty. The dense tree's and such make me smile and the fresh air!!!

I wish I could see some people I miss. Give them a huge hug. If you see this imagine me giving you a hug! We all need them. I am happy you are reading this whoever you are!

Hmmmm.. I am atleast happy I can finally drink chai tea in excessive amounts.

weit weg

I am back home.. bout a month now.

I just spaced out heaps. Nonchanately got back into my life here. And its been feeling nice.

I realized something though..

Exchange students are some of the best people in the world. Liiteeralllyyyyyy.

So here the story goes...

I got back from my District 5020 meeting. Its for us rebounds.. having troubles, ya know, fitting back into regular life. We met each other again, hardly knowing one another before, and wow.. meeting again, after our year abroad felt SO COOL. We saw, and heard in detail how much we've grown. We talked, we connected, we laughed, we cried, we talked about ghost stories and drank tea and swam in the salty water. but most of all.. We listened. alll weekend long. each one of us had our stories, and we all listened. We understood. And it was intense. I don't know how else to describe it. But, the feeling of coming back home again, is strange. (I understand now that it has been a easier journey for me than some others, but I have my mom to thank for that and close friends). I just feel, sad now. I feel like.. overwhelmed by happiness. So conscious how many wonderful, unique, people that are out there and going to do good in the world.

I feel so confused though. What shall I do now? To keep this... to treasure it forever and never let go. And my answer is : To be thankful, everday. GIVE THANKS. to my mom, rotary, to me, to my friends and just send some beautiful love eneergy to everyone out there. I know they will feel it.

I'd love to spread my wings once more. Take another adventure. Its in my vains.. running through eveerrry energy cell. But, as of now, Olympia is wonderfully perfect. I love drinking my goat milk and going on a bike ride with friends. I've regained a long lost friend. That was so great. I feel so content but so uneasy, like I can never stay at one place long enough.. but this, is,just,the beginning of the rest of my life.

Friday I will job shadow my naturopathic doctor. I am looking forward to it. I plan on volunteering. Americore sounds fantastic. I plan on community college, and one day at a time. I plan on doing more yoga, exercise and having a deep relationship with my family. I plan on dancing and hopefully getting enough time for the guitar and cooking heaps and soaking up this vitamin D sun shine rays for the remanding summer and then playing in the leaves in fall. I love this simple life... so beautiful and content.

what i feel.

You look darkly on the day
With memories to light your way
A little sad but it's all right
We are always living in twilight

No one knocks upon your door
Until you don't care anymore
A little alone but it's all right
We are always living in twilight

Living in a dream, walking in between the sunrise and sunset
Living in a dream, walking in between sunset and sunrise

You get tied up in your day, so I let go and walk away
And now we're loose ends of the night
We are always living in twilight

So it goes, though no one knows you like they used to do
Have a drink the sky is sinking toward a deeper blue
And you're still all right
Step out into twilight

So I stumble home at night
Like I've stumbled through my life
With ghosts and visions in my sight
We are always living in twilight

peacin' out

i will never forget this year.

& i don't want to say goodbye