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explosion

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dares.

Today I was continuously being dared by Jason.

I hugged a stranger.

I drank out of a stranger's italian soda.

I loved today.

Ghandi

I just sit in German class, and chill. Each word that comes out of her mouth I understand. It feels comforting hearing German. Even when it is a different accent from hearing people in Switzerland speak German. I feel safe. I feel back in my little bubble of last year.

Time goes through my head, always time. What was I doing last year at this time? How was I feeling? So, I decided to look at my journal from last year.

I was in Italy this time last year.

October 1, 2009

Day 48 in Switzerland. Day 2 in Italy.

'Today was a great day!! Sam and I woke up in the morning, but I woke up late.. I was so tired, so I had 10 minutes to get ready, which works. Last night was one of my insomniac nights. We ate breakfast in our hotel. 2 croissants, 1 kiwi, 1 banana, earl grey green tea and two slices of meat. After eating we took a two hour or so car ride to Porto Fino. It was nice. We walked by the Mediterranean sea and went to churches. The sea was so blue. Sam's host father bought us gelato. I got chocolate chip, sam got strawberry.

I am so happy to be by the sea.

Then , we drove the car Cinique Terra. It was a very windy road to get there and I became car sick. The roads are unbelieabley small and its hard to comprehend that there are not many crashes. I loved seeing the architecture of Cinque Terra.

We ordered lunch, there were a lot of tourists. English kept on flooding in my ears, I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept on following the conversation of the married couple by us. It was intriguing to understand every. single. word coming out of there mouths. Part of me wanted to stand up and shot "hey!! I am from the states too!" but, sat still, and kept on speaking German to Sam's host family. Familiarity= English. German is difficult.'

There are more paragraphs, but it may be pointless to read.

I discussed yesterday in German class to my friend Will, who suffered from insomnia the night before, that it is weird that I am in this class, when I can speak German fluently. I told him I wish I would of chose Chinese instead of German, sense I can already speak it.

Will: "I could never replace the energy with someone else in that chair"

Me: "You couldn't?"

Will: "Well, I maybe could.. if I could bring Ghandi back from the dead."

Yesterday I was compared to Ghandi. Wow.

It made me smile. So I shall stay in German and flow back to the familiarity of German. Quite the opposite of how I felt last year at this time :)

lil glowing specs of light.

One of the finest days of the summer,

I dived deep

dark andddddddddd cold

in the puget sound.

there were pretty little lights

that outlined every motion of my body

and every design i made, it followed.

phosphorescence.

one of my favorite things in summer is the phosphorescence.

goodbye, dear summer.

goodbye phosphorescence.

Words of wisdom that I should remember.

so here we go little one.

breathe in the new day

with hopeful spirits.

I know its early

and the day seems gray

but

with these tears

brings in compassion.

compassion, and awareness.

so I say, live in the moment.

don't waste this

this, now, is special

and perfect.

be thankful,

out of all, give thanks

because time seems to go

so slowly.

but you look back, and it passed

so

fast.

This universe, this world,

Loves you unconditionally.

so love your self.

above all.

love yourself.

one night to be confused, one night to speed up truth.

Hmmm, opportunities.

I start school in 10 days! Thats coo.

But, during this year.. what are my goals? I have a lot of plans spinning in my mind.

So this school year, I would like to.

• find a new side of oly I have never been acquainted with
• learn some chords and songs on guitar
• do well in school
• figure out next year (Uni? Volunteering? Traveling? City year in another state? Americorp? South Ameircaaaaaa!?)... I just want warmth. And to be with someone who warms my heart.
• work out, in ways to make me happy. start dancing more! Ballet again? Yoga, Hot yoga!!
• Farming!!! I don't care where, I just wanna!
• Read, please.
• be wonderful and loving to all around me.

I have a job now too, thank you so much life.

fill my cup with tea.

i dont know

what has

gotten into

me.

or why

i feel

so alone.

i go, and i notice

places.

i know where

to exactly go.

but

i still feel

so alone.

people leave

they come and go

i understand

this

fact.

but, i

still

feel so

alone.

maybe its how

everything

here

reminds me

of you.

and you're not here.

i wish i could

just go

somewhere

completely new.

again.

and it won't remind

me of anything.

but nothing really matters. I'd be running away from my feelings, and eventually the same would catch up to me.

but, i like running.

i find new things.

& it makes me happy.

my diversity.

dancing at Housing Junction. Photo Credit: Eric Becker

My life is filled with different shades of colors and textures. There is a strip of yellow, flowing out towards each human, representing openness and warmth. Soft and light, because I believe that everyone is equal and there is no separation. Each friend that I have had, has effected me and created a different texture into my life, and I have created friendship from a variety of interesting people from all over the world. From the deep blue designs in my eyes, give out passion, passion to travel, grow, and meet new people. I am open to diverse experiences. These simple experiences of the places I visited, touching sand in Rio to meditating in the thai buddhist temples has opened my heart to accept others just the way they are and to come together as one people. This blue is not smooth, it is bumpy, because, these bumps have shaped me. I was an exchange student for a year in Switzerland. When I wanted to become an exchange student, my first country choice was Argentina, but my Rotary district chose Switzerland instead. I came to Switzerland not knowing a single word of german, understanding and giving a whole new life experience to the saying ‘when one door closes, another one opens’. To me, “Fearless” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is me going to Switzerland. It has bumps, although, it is these bumps that make it incredible, and totally shaping my life, and growing in ways I never thought where possible. Green is the color of my favorite sweater that shrunk in the washing machine. It allows me to realize that everything changes, seasons change, sweaters shrink, but life goes on, and it doesn’t stop for everyone. I am here to live, before it is too late. That is my goal in life, and I cannot fail that.

oooh !

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

--Maya Angelou

wunderschoen!

when I listen to "Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois" by Sufjan Stevens, I feel so so so peaceful.

Its so beautiful. Listen to it. It makes me want to cry.

Today, I had a wonderful day. I jumped off a huge rock into a lake called Lake Cushman. This rock scared me (it was hugeeeee), and I jumped of it and conquered my fear of height. The process was difficult, getting my glued legs to get off the rock and to defy what my instincts told me was dangerous. I hope I make sense. I am kind of slopping with writing.

Gah, the Pacific Northwest never fails me to present beauty. The dense tree's and such make me smile and the fresh air!!!

I wish I could see some people I miss. Give them a huge hug. If you see this imagine me giving you a hug! We all need them. I am happy you are reading this whoever you are!

Hmmmm.. I am atleast happy I can finally drink chai tea in excessive amounts.

weit weg

I am back home.. bout a month now.

I just spaced out heaps. Nonchanately got back into my life here. And its been feeling nice.

I realized something though..

Exchange students are some of the best people in the world. Liiteeralllyyyyyy.

So here the story goes...

I got back from my District 5020 meeting. Its for us rebounds.. having troubles, ya know, fitting back into regular life. We met each other again, hardly knowing one another before, and wow.. meeting again, after our year abroad felt SO COOL. We saw, and heard in detail how much we've grown. We talked, we connected, we laughed, we cried, we talked about ghost stories and drank tea and swam in the salty water. but most of all.. We listened. alll weekend long. each one of us had our stories, and we all listened. We understood. And it was intense. I don't know how else to describe it. But, the feeling of coming back home again, is strange. (I understand now that it has been a easier journey for me than some others, but I have my mom to thank for that and close friends). I just feel, sad now. I feel like.. overwhelmed by happiness. So conscious how many wonderful, unique, people that are out there and going to do good in the world.

I feel so confused though. What shall I do now? To keep this... to treasure it forever and never let go. And my answer is : To be thankful, everday. GIVE THANKS. to my mom, rotary, to me, to my friends and just send some beautiful love eneergy to everyone out there. I know they will feel it.

I'd love to spread my wings once more. Take another adventure. Its in my vains.. running through eveerrry energy cell. But, as of now, Olympia is wonderfully perfect. I love drinking my goat milk and going on a bike ride with friends. I've regained a long lost friend. That was so great. I feel so content but so uneasy, like I can never stay at one place long enough.. but this, is,just,the beginning of the rest of my life.

Friday I will job shadow my naturopathic doctor. I am looking forward to it. I plan on volunteering. Americore sounds fantastic. I plan on community college, and one day at a time. I plan on doing more yoga, exercise and having a deep relationship with my family. I plan on dancing and hopefully getting enough time for the guitar and cooking heaps and soaking up this vitamin D sun shine rays for the remanding summer and then playing in the leaves in fall. I love this simple life... so beautiful and content.

what i feel.

You look darkly on the day
With memories to light your way
A little sad but it's all right
We are always living in twilight

No one knocks upon your door
Until you don't care anymore
A little alone but it's all right
We are always living in twilight

Living in a dream, walking in between the sunrise and sunset
Living in a dream, walking in between sunset and sunrise

You get tied up in your day, so I let go and walk away
And now we're loose ends of the night
We are always living in twilight

So it goes, though no one knows you like they used to do
Have a drink the sky is sinking toward a deeper blue
And you're still all right
Step out into twilight

So I stumble home at night
Like I've stumbled through my life
With ghosts and visions in my sight
We are always living in twilight

peacin' out

i will never forget this year.

& i don't want to say goodbye

I cant believe myself.

2 more months left.

2, 2 2 2 2 short short months.

things have changed, imensely. i can't even spell anymore.

someone very very important left to go home to buenos aires yesterday. and i betrayed my best friend for this person, what am i doing to screw things up so much? not being honest with myself.

i learned the most important thing is honesty. really. swiss people are so honest. I am not, I dont telll people the truth trying not to hurt them but in the end it hurts them 100 times more. Everyone, learn from my mistakes, be honest.

the future freaks me out , going home, trrying to make things work. I want to go to buenos aires , but will it work? If not, spscc for me. Which was what I truly wanted to be totally honest. I miss living with my family, and going to the co op to get some lovely food. A little house would be better, where all I could do is bike to everywhere I go. I would like to learn an instrument. I would like some warm weather everyday. I just feel, I duno, confused?

I am just in my little world of Switzerland, away from the rest of you. After 9 months and still here, and honestly it feels good. Freeing. I have been so so so long on my own I can undestand what truly matters. Success doesn't, but this does. Life, living, learning, evolving. The journey is what makes me happy. Not the end.

I dont update this blog enough, because, it puts me under a magnifine glass. You read what I write but it doesnt say or come close to explaining anything about my year here. It doesnt do its justice. I am lost of words, always lost. I just feel so misunderstood.

I feel like going to a real university would be not a wise choice right now. I dont know what I want to do, its pricy, and I need to explore and understand myself more.

When he left, I just sat there, and we didn't cry. I just stood there, and waited. No tears. Does this mean something? Without this year, I would cry. I am learning love without attatchment.Letting go and surrendering to life. Not being so dependent on people anymore to fill my love tank.

1 more month of school.
1 and a half weeks more of travel to austria, italy, and prague.
2 more months left.
100 goodbyes.
100 hellos.
1 year of something undescribable.
learning. growing. living.
thats all that matters.

HA HA HA HA this is a joke.

This blog.. please please please don't die away ok? REVIVE YOURSELF.

Well, indeed, I am revived. I am here ok? I am still alive. I am living my swiss life, quite ok, everyday is some new surprise in store, to learn about this culture, to see the contrast on myself with these people.. to gain similarities. But all in all, we are all one people, there is no separation. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing myself, like I am turning into boring sand and it is slowly falling and flakey and getting sent off with the wind. Until there is nothing left. I feel myself falling in sleep in class, when in the beginning I was wide awake, eager to learn German. Is senioratis hitting me here? Well, it could. I need to count my blessings, and this year is going too fast and I need to take it in!! Today I fell asleep in German, while we were watching a movie. I woke up, realized what was happening, but looked around and saw 3 other people sleeping. Then, I realized I was drooling everywhere on my shirt, embarrassing? No, no one saw. hahahah!

YES OK, GUESS WHAT MY PEOPLE? I changed host families. To an AMAZING lovely spectacular swiss family that are indeed so kind and friendly, and genuine. I have 3 BROTHERS (finally in my life) and all of them are HILARIOUS. I crack my everyday at the dinner table. One is 18, almost 19.. the middle is 16, and the youngest is 14. The oldest speaks to me in Swiss german, which I UNDERSTAND now!! Wipeeee! Sometimes I still do not get what he says and just mutter "uh- huh" hahahha.

Dankbar.

Youknow, there is so much to be thankful for.

I look around, and think, gee, joelle, stop your complaining.

This blog needs to be more, well, emotional.. more skin deep. Feelings, matter kids!

My words don't travel far. They tangle in my hair and tend to go nowhere.

-unknown.

I am thankful for this day.

Ein montat spater...

Sorry, took me 1 month to update. That is due to, quite frankly, laziness.

So, for the last 2 weeks I have had no school. Here in Switzerland, they give you a special break for skiing and snowboarding. Isn't that fascinating? In this beautiful land of alps and "tons of snow". Except, where I live, we do not get too much. About 2 weeks ago, we had a lot of snow, but now, it is surely melting away from the sun. I am ready for spring.

A crazy thing about Switzerland is that they celebrate Fasnacht (aka Carnaval) here intensely. Tomorrow, I am going to Basel (a town close to Germany's boarder) to celebrate fasnacht with some of the other exchange students. If you go to fasnacht, you should dress up as something (like halloween).. and I am dressing up as a clown. It begins 4 am in the morning, and continues throughout the week. You go, dress up, through confetti, listen to crazy music from bands, and watch parades in the street of people dressed up funny , playing music.

After monday, school starts again.

Heute.

I woke up at 6:20. Ate yuummmmmmy cereal with cow milk. Yes, Indeed. I am not following my milk sensitivity here because the milk is too yummy to resist.

I got dressed, raced to the bus stop, and talk to my lovely swiss friend Laura. We talked about life on the bus, as we passed by the lil villages on my way to school in the dark. I really have been craving sunnnnshine lately. Her dad is a naturopathic docter which fascinated me sehr. She asked about my dad, and I told her he is dead. She said she felt bad, and asked more about it, I told her I have grown a lot and I wouldn't be talking to her , or be in Switzerland, without that happening. Most people who find out don't say anything here. Just silence after I tell them. Laura asked I was a Pisces and I told her yes, and she is one too. I also get a lot of people asking me what I am, they really believe in horoscopes here or something.

I went to school, and felt a lil bit gloomy today. Yes, I have my hard days too. I had 2 hour of Physics and then German, and I talked to the teacher and I am going to start participating in the difficult reading material , because I want to do something atleast, and not just independent study. Its hard just sitting there, I was ok with it in the beginning, but I feel a little bit not like a normal student when I do that, I just feel worse of myself. In Physics, I worked on this lil art project instead of participating.. ha. I don't know , I didn't even have Physics in the states, and doing it in German would be a completely different thing. I could even start trying that too. I had dance today, we are learning a hip hop/jazz dance, which pirked up my mood immensely! And, and, tonight I have palates (sp?)! I joined a lil group in Mellingen, just to get some sort of work out in during the week without sport in the school.

I had no music in the afternoon, so I went home and ate lunch with my host mom and she showed me pictures of lovely Paris.

I gotta keep working on my art project. Till next time!

Endlich!

Ja, I am bad at blogs sometimes.

Sorry for all who have checked and there has been nothing said about my new year in Switzerland (cough Chelsie cough). This blog is for you and for anyone is keeping up with this thing. Make a comment if you do! I like them a lot. : )

So, I will talk about today.

Today I woke up early and went to Zurzach Bad. Why? My coolio friend Juan from my class invited me and Anilu to his house for Spanish food and to chill around. I like chilling. So, I woke up at 9:20 from being out late last night (I will go over that later), and ate some lovely kellogs and then went to catch the bus. Busses and trains are lame on Sundays. It makes me sad because you have to wait around a lot, because there are less options on Sundays. Do you care? Probably not.

I got there, and he showed us around his village with his other friend Pascal, and then we had an intense snow ball fight that ended up amazing and cold. We went to this really cool view lookout place, and saw this old man cross country skiing, who indeed almost crashed while attempting to say Gruezi to us and lost his balance. We talked a lot, Anilu nearly froze, our feet were not too dry from the snow. We played table soccer (whats it called again? I am forgetting..) , and then walked back to Juan's house to meet his nice fam. His mom automatically gave us hugs and kissed us on the cheek like she knew us forever! Anilu and her spoke tons of spanish and it was indeed a confusing day. With high German, Swiss German, and spanish all mixed together. We ate yummy Spanish food and talked, ate desert and talked, drank chai tea and talked some more and than played a swiss board game. I was a happy camper. One thing I do not like though is when someone speaks English to me after I tell them 5 times to speak High German. Anywho, afterwards, we chilled some more, watched some sorta of thing that was like an oldschool type of Planet Earth. It showed monkeys, elephants, insects or some sort getting drunk off this one type of fruit. Quite funny! Then I went on the train with Juans brother who is getting sent of in the Military because it is a law that every man has to go here in Switzerland, unless you have some sort of health problem. He showed me card games cuz he likes magic. Then I took a very complicated way to get back to Mellingen which is always fun and cold.

Pascal, Juan, and Anilu

Zurzach Bad. You can see Germany from here.

Spanish essen.

Yo Juan.

Cards. Make. Me Happy.

Swiss Military here I come.

Immanuel rocking the uniform.

I really like Juans family. They already invited me to join them around June to this openair and go camping. I feel really blessed by the people I am meeting here. Swiss people are not cold ok!? Just shy, which is fine. I am shy too.

About last night. So, I got Christmas gift which was to see a Stress concert. Stress is a swiss guy, who speaks French, and raps in French (and is really popular here). It was amazzzzzzinnggg and cultural. I guess you would say attempting to sing french, jumping up and down, wave your hands back and forth .. cultural. I went with my host sister Vanessa (18) and Stephanie (15). They love Stress, so that is why I know about him. I had a really good time trying to attempt to rap in French and feel the beat.

Pink lighting ... before the show started.

I only have videos of him, so I may post one on facebook. Probably not. Just youtube it ;)

Goodnight world.. Ich habe lieb fur dich!