dares.

Today I was continuously being dared by Jason.

I hugged a stranger.

I drank out of a stranger's italian soda.

I loved today.

Ghandi

I just sit in German class, and chill. Each word that comes out of her mouth I understand. It feels comforting hearing German. Even when it is a different accent from hearing people in Switzerland speak German. I feel safe. I feel back in my little bubble of last year.

Time goes through my head, always time. What was I doing last year at this time? How was I feeling? So, I decided to look at my journal from last year.

I was in Italy this time last year.

October 1, 2009

Day 48 in Switzerland. Day 2 in Italy.

'Today was a great day!! Sam and I woke up in the morning, but I woke up late.. I was so tired, so I had 10 minutes to get ready, which works. Last night was one of my insomniac nights. We ate breakfast in our hotel. 2 croissants, 1 kiwi, 1 banana, earl grey green tea and two slices of meat. After eating we took a two hour or so car ride to Porto Fino. It was nice. We walked by the Mediterranean sea and went to churches. The sea was so blue. Sam's host father bought us gelato. I got chocolate chip, sam got strawberry.

I am so happy to be by the sea.

Then , we drove the car Cinique Terra. It was a very windy road to get there and I became car sick. The roads are unbelieabley small and its hard to comprehend that there are not many crashes. I loved seeing the architecture of Cinque Terra.

We ordered lunch, there were a lot of tourists. English kept on flooding in my ears, I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept on following the conversation of the married couple by us. It was intriguing to understand every. single. word coming out of there mouths. Part of me wanted to stand up and shot "hey!! I am from the states too!" but, sat still, and kept on speaking German to Sam's host family. Familiarity= English. German is difficult.'

There are more paragraphs, but it may be pointless to read.

I discussed yesterday in German class to my friend Will, who suffered from insomnia the night before, that it is weird that I am in this class, when I can speak German fluently. I told him I wish I would of chose Chinese instead of German, sense I can already speak it.

Will: "I could never replace the energy with someone else in that chair"

Me: "You couldn't?"

Will: "Well, I maybe could.. if I could bring Ghandi back from the dead."

Yesterday I was compared to Ghandi. Wow.

It made me smile. So I shall stay in German and flow back to the familiarity of German. Quite the opposite of how I felt last year at this time :)

lil glowing specs of light.

One of the finest days of the summer,

I dived deep

dark andddddddddd cold

in the puget sound.

there were pretty little lights

that outlined every motion of my body

and every design i made, it followed.

phosphorescence.

one of my favorite things in summer is the phosphorescence.

goodbye, dear summer.

goodbye phosphorescence.

Words of wisdom that I should remember.

so here we go little one.

breathe in the new day

with hopeful spirits.

I know its early

and the day seems gray

but

with these tears

brings in compassion.

compassion, and awareness.

so I say, live in the moment.

don't waste this

this, now, is special

and perfect.

be thankful,

out of all, give thanks

because time seems to go

so slowly.

but you look back, and it passed

so

fast.

This universe, this world,

Loves you unconditionally.

so love your self.

above all.

love yourself.

one night to be confused, one night to speed up truth.

Hmmm, opportunities.

I start school in 10 days! Thats coo.

But, during this year.. what are my goals? I have a lot of plans spinning in my mind.

So this school year, I would like to.

• find a new side of oly I have never been acquainted with
• learn some chords and songs on guitar
• do well in school
• figure out next year (Uni? Volunteering? Traveling? City year in another state? Americorp? South Ameircaaaaaa!?)... I just want warmth. And to be with someone who warms my heart.
• work out, in ways to make me happy. start dancing more! Ballet again? Yoga, Hot yoga!!
• Farming!!! I don't care where, I just wanna!
• Read, please.
• be wonderful and loving to all around me.

I have a job now too, thank you so much life.

fill my cup with tea.

i dont know

what has

gotten into

me.

or why

i feel

so alone.

i go, and i notice

places.

i know where

to exactly go.

but

i still feel

so alone.

people leave

they come and go

i understand

this

fact.

but, i

still

feel so

alone.

maybe its how

everything

here

reminds me

of you.

and you're not here.

i wish i could

just go

somewhere

completely new.

again.

and it won't remind

me of anything.

but nothing really matters. I'd be running away from my feelings, and eventually the same would catch up to me.

but, i like running.

i find new things.

& it makes me happy.

my diversity.

dancing at Housing Junction. Photo Credit: Eric Becker

My life is filled with different shades of colors and textures. There is a strip of yellow, flowing out towards each human, representing openness and warmth. Soft and light, because I believe that everyone is equal and there is no separation. Each friend that I have had, has effected me and created a different texture into my life, and I have created friendship from a variety of interesting people from all over the world. From the deep blue designs in my eyes, give out passion, passion to travel, grow, and meet new people. I am open to diverse experiences. These simple experiences of the places I visited, touching sand in Rio to meditating in the thai buddhist temples has opened my heart to accept others just the way they are and to come together as one people. This blue is not smooth, it is bumpy, because, these bumps have shaped me. I was an exchange student for a year in Switzerland. When I wanted to become an exchange student, my first country choice was Argentina, but my Rotary district chose Switzerland instead. I came to Switzerland not knowing a single word of german, understanding and giving a whole new life experience to the saying ‘when one door closes, another one opens’. To me, “Fearless” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is me going to Switzerland. It has bumps, although, it is these bumps that make it incredible, and totally shaping my life, and growing in ways I never thought where possible. Green is the color of my favorite sweater that shrunk in the washing machine. It allows me to realize that everything changes, seasons change, sweaters shrink, but life goes on, and it doesn’t stop for everyone. I am here to live, before it is too late. That is my goal in life, and I cannot fail that.