I cant believe myself.

2 more months left.

2, 2 2 2 2 short short months.

things have changed, imensely. i can't even spell anymore.

someone very very important left to go home to buenos aires yesterday. and i betrayed my best friend for this person, what am i doing to screw things up so much? not being honest with myself.

i learned the most important thing is honesty. really. swiss people are so honest. I am not, I dont telll people the truth trying not to hurt them but in the end it hurts them 100 times more. Everyone, learn from my mistakes, be honest.

the future freaks me out , going home, trrying to make things work. I want to go to buenos aires , but will it work? If not, spscc for me. Which was what I truly wanted to be totally honest. I miss living with my family, and going to the co op to get some lovely food. A little house would be better, where all I could do is bike to everywhere I go. I would like to learn an instrument. I would like some warm weather everyday. I just feel, I duno, confused?

I am just in my little world of Switzerland, away from the rest of you. After 9 months and still here, and honestly it feels good. Freeing. I have been so so so long on my own I can undestand what truly matters. Success doesn't, but this does. Life, living, learning, evolving. The journey is what makes me happy. Not the end.

I dont update this blog enough, because, it puts me under a magnifine glass. You read what I write but it doesnt say or come close to explaining anything about my year here. It doesnt do its justice. I am lost of words, always lost. I just feel so misunderstood.

I feel like going to a real university would be not a wise choice right now. I dont know what I want to do, its pricy, and I need to explore and understand myself more.

When he left, I just sat there, and we didn't cry. I just stood there, and waited. No tears. Does this mean something? Without this year, I would cry. I am learning love without attatchment.Letting go and surrendering to life. Not being so dependent on people anymore to fill my love tank.

1 more month of school.
1 and a half weeks more of travel to austria, italy, and prague.
2 more months left.
100 goodbyes.
100 hellos.
1 year of something undescribable.
learning. growing. living.
thats all that matters.